Went to see Macklemore tonight and I feel like I have to write about it. I have learned to journal when something affects me negatively or positively, so that I have it to reflect on and remember.
First, I know that I always say how beautiful he is, and how I want to marry him blah blah blah.......well all of that is true ....butttttttt.......
I'm feeling really excited. Robert is picking me up in like 10 minutes and I have been waiting for this concert for months. I haven't felt this excited about seeing a show in a long time. I have been so lucky to have had a life that put me in the middle of movie makers and rock and roll royalty. I've been backstage with superstars, and in the homes of the most famous of film makers and actors, so I don't know exactly why this show is making me literally shiver. It really isn't what I tease about, and act silly about, like that I love Macklemore and all of that. I like to do that because I know people get a kick out of it, and if I can make someone laugh for a few minutes it makes me feel happy.
Something else is gnawing on my brain. This man speaks so openly about his recovery and relapse and sobriety thereafter that it is a little scary for me. I surround myself with 12 steppers for safety. Sober people who are trying hard to hang on. I like survivors. I always have. The tornado's I have lived through because of active addictions have of course made me into who I am. So I very much like people who are making change. It is more intoxicating for me than any six pack or bicep. Watching people live their lives to the fullest is a pleasure that I get to see daily. I do it myself. I try the best I that I can. I try to keep my side of the street clean, and make amends when I need to. I try to make change. I know I have. I accept that now. I didn't for a long time. I would always blow it off when someone would tell me I was doing good things. I no longer am shy about it. I own it. I am also proud of it.
Macklemore affects me so much because he is making such social change in a way that I have never seen before. He is literally taking gay rights , racism, acceptance and tolerance, love, sobriety and recovery, addiction and relapse to a new level. He is reaching kids and adults. There were young kids screaming, every age dancing, laughing, and all crying when he was singing about the scared sadness in his dads eyes when he had to tell him he relapsed. I could literally feel the pain. I was so overwhelmed I was crying but loved hearing the outcome. He is just real. Real is good.
He talked , in a very easy and cool way, about how no government, teacher, state, politician friend or family should tell anyone who they can and can't love. He screamed like a preacher about equality for all. This wasn't a lecture. This was seriously like a revival movement. He was preaching to a flock that adores him. To go to a rap concert and be OK to be openly gay and sing and laugh about it is something I have never experienced. To see young kids screaming when he sang Same Love, and yell equality, and to see grandparents screaming with them was extremely emotional for me.
When the insanely fun songs were on, it gave us time to realize, that he came out of the dark and into the light. He fucked up and then fixed up. And he is sharing it. Sharing it is good. He loves his gay uncles and doesn't want them hurting because of inequality. And he is sharing that. Sharing it is good.
I am home now. I had to write this for my own head. I am going to share it. Sharing it is good.
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